Life's A Bitch, Then I'm Gonna Die It Seems

[fullbug]

I touched on this in another thread a few weeks ago, but just got the official results today- I have Pancreatic Cancer. A week after the doctor said the first results were looking good, oops, sorry, we were wrong...I had just turned 46 last week, considered a very young age to get something like this....
That type of cancer is known for spreading very quickly, so in two weeks, if I go through with it, I start both chemo and radiation treatment, once a week for at least 6 months, if that works to shrink it, surgery to remove the tumor, although its pretty much experimental treatment, but my best hope they say, so there's that...

I didn't post this to bring anyone down, or to go on a pity trip, truth is I'm scared shitless, and at this point in my life don't really have a friends to hang with or vent to, besides my wife, who is devastated and whom I'm worried about the most....So I guess in a way this is my own 'bitching' thread..

Even after chemo, both my parents died in a short time of cancer, didn't help them, do I go through the hell that is treatment, when it likely will just make my last times terrible? If I don't I will die, if I do, likely die anyway, just at a later date, maybe....

But I think I have to go through with it, how would it look to my wife if I just give up?

Anyway, not sure how much I will be around in the future, its cool to see so many excitied over the soon to be released World, hope it lives up to many expections....

Whatever goes down, I have enjoyed my time here, made many friends, and have an edit or two out there that may live on in some way if I don't, really don't have much I can complain about....

For those that believe good thoughts actually help out, maybe throw some my way, maybe it will help, as I'm in for a hell of a ride....

[ControlFrenzy]

Man, I don't care who it is, but cancer can suck a big one. I hope you make it out of this alright. I had a friend who nearly died of testicular cancer a few years ago (and he was 25 at the time). Had he not gotten it checked out, he surely would have been done for. Good for you getting it checked out. Good luck.

[Old Baby]

Oh man, I hoped it would not be this.

I don't believe in God or the afterlife or prayer so I can't throw anything like that your way. I just think you should try really hard not to lose touch with the fact that you are alive. There's some tough times ahead, and whether you have months, days or decades left, it doesn't change the fact that you are alive right now. I realize this is easy for me to say, but try to hang on to your excitement for the new Fire Pro and just savor all the little things that you enjoy about life, even the simple everyday things that most of us take for granted like chocolate cake, playing games and sunsets. I think you should try your best to live so that no matter what happens six months down the road, you can look back and think about all the things you've enjoyed about living. Try not to be afraid of what's inevitable for all of us. It'll catch many of us by surprise, but I really like what Epicurus said: "We do not fear death, because when we are here death is not, and when death is here we are not."

Go get'em brother!

[Sooj]

Thoughts are with you, fullbug. Really wishing for things to work out for you.

[El Marsh]

Ugh. That's shitty news Fullbug. I can't pretend to personally know anything about what you're going to put yourself through but having seen friends and family go through it it will probably be the biggest challenge of your life. Therefore, I wish you and your wife the very, very best of strength in overcoming this most unfortunate of trials. You've always been really cool and respectful around here and brother, I hate to see you go. So fight, my friend. I've got your back and suspect many others here do as well. Be strong and scared though you are now, the best thing you can do is stay positive. You WILL get through it. It WILL suck but you are STRONGER than it. 46 years old? You've still got shit to do, man! You've got this!

Best of strength and spirits, Fullbug.

*armflex smiley*

[Tylerd]

We're all rooting for you fullbug. There are tough times ahead but don't lose hope. Get started with the treatment as soon as possible and get well soon.

[Kristofferson]

Jeez, I'm sorry to hear this awful news Fullbug. Of course I wish you all the best and I hope your luck improves. I'll hold hope that you'll post some better news further down the line no matter how bleak the situation seems right now.

Whatever you decide to do is a personal decision that should be respected. Just make sure you're fully informed of the facts when you make it.

Take care mate. My thoughts are with your family.

[PensiverealtalkT]

I loathe cancer and have lost awesome people to it.

Don't be another one fullbug!

Good luck with your treatment and I'll keep you in my prayers!

[Makar17]

We are here for you, fullbug. I really hope that the treatment works. It's going to be tough, but in lots of cases the attitude of the patient helps to make it bearable. I understand that you are afraid, but try to spend as much time with your wife through this ordeal. She will, in return, make you stronger.

[fullbug]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, means a lot, just taking my pain meds and taking it one day at a time for now....

[C-Drive]

Sorry to hear about that fullbug.

Since your parent's chemo treatments, has perhaps the technology gotten better and/or the success rate better? I understand the choice of opting out completely though, and know of a few people who have. Good luck on whatever path you take.

[fullbug]

Sorry to hear about that fullbug.

Since your parent's chemo treatments, has perhaps the technology gotten better and/or the success rate better? I understand the choice of opting out completely though, and know of a few people who have. Good luck on whatever path you take.

The success rate is better, but for pancreatic cancer still not very good at all, I have opted to go through with it, although I can change my mind at any time, so if its really rough I can stop the treatments, will see what happens, hard to imagine going through treatments for almost a year, with surgery half way through that, if I make it that far, not sure if I have that in me to be honest....
The worst thing for me dealing with right now is I am the caregiver for my wife, and that will have to change, and we have to have someone come in to do that for her, and maybe me down the road, our world is about the be totally turned upside down, never to be the same again....
I am trying to be positive, but am having a really hard time doing that yet.....

[orochigeese]

fullbug, I am incredibly sorry to hear about this and wish you the absolute best in your recovery.

You're a great guy and have been a leading voice for energy, participation, and fun around here over the past few years (especially the past year) and I am sure you are very much the same gentleman off the boards.

I am always personally squeamish on giving advice in other people's situations. I feel like I can never truly account for other people's histories, actual biological processes, frame of minds, philosophy, etc. Even given my solicited comments on something like this makes me feel like I'm crossing a line despite good intentions. What I can say is that if I was in your position, I would give the treatments a chance as well.

Also, this seems trite but i wouldn't say it if I didn't use it myself. In times like this, sometimes it helps to bring some of the ideas we enjoyed from our recreational pursuits into our real life. A few years ago, I had things a little rough and I started to absorb more of the personal vibe of "fighting spirit" from puroresu and it helped me. No, my problem wasn't getting hit by lariats on my daily commute (though sometimes in NYC umbrellas can be like spinning back fists...), and I wasn't faced with the type or level of challenge that you are, but the idea of continuing to keep getting up until you can't anymore - that helped. (An actual gameplan of what to do once I got up helped too but you have that already). That's one of the beautiful things about the pro wrestling art form and fiction in general, sometimes the metaphors they use for challenges may not match up with personal obstacles but sometimes you can get a lot from it anyway. Just my 6.99 cents.

I am hoping for the best for you and your wife.

- Geese

[fullbug]

Thanx Geese! Your thoughts are much appreciated! Nice to see you back around, its not the same vibe around here when your AWOL, its good that your able to check in once in awhile....

[bfx]

Hang in there bro. Will include you in my prayer in this holy month.

[fullMETAL]

My mom had gotten rid of cancer twice, and it came back in her lymph nodes (it hasn't grown yet, so we're hopeful), so I feel you there, bro.

[captain howdy]

It situations like this I'm not always sure what to say as much as I want to offer my support.

You are a bright sport here in the community, my thoughts are with you fullbug and I hope for the best.

[fullbug]

Oh joy, got my second round of chemo tomorrow morning, even though it doesn't start until noon, have to be at the hospital by 8:30 am, and get home around 8:00 pm, what a long freaking day, this cancer bullshit is interfering with my enjoyment of the release of world! Even though I have the game, thanx to Old Baby, cannot play yet due to my crap computer, but still having fun watching others have fun!
I need someone to recreate Doc Overdose, at least I will know my edit is out there kicking some ass on my behalf!
Dont mind me, this is my little pity me thread to get stuff off my chest I cannot get away with anywhere else.....

[Kristofferson]

Best of luck mate. Doc and Dragon will fight on in World no matter what.

[fullbug]

Best of luck mate. Doc and Dragon will fight on in World no matter what.

Thanx! I have no kids, so they will have to do I guess.....

[Old Baby]

We're rooting for you here in the FPC. The fact that you've seemed to stay pretty positive in the midst of going through all this is pretty remarkable.

So you've tried to play FPW on your PC? I'm curious how short the specs fall of minimum.

[Zealot]

I'm so late to this, but this is terrible news. I wish you the best in a speedy recovery and remission, Fullbug.

[tigermuppetcut]

Good luck, man! Keep your chin up.